A journalist in Akwa Ibom has recounted how she had low self-esteem because of the way people and family talked to her about her weight. She said that she learnt to accept herself and work on her insecurities.
The one realisation i had in my 30s was that confidence is everything.I am a late bloomer so bear with me. My two main sources of low confidence growing up were being fat and parental absense. I had grown up with names from obrokoto Nigerian football to Wana Opoto. As you know my people are not very tactful when they say things to children, it isn’t news that you grow up believing you need fixing. The thing is you never realise how much these insecurities sip into every area of your life from managing terrible relationships because you don’t think you are worth better to not taking opportunities because you see yourself as undeserving. You keep telling yourself that when you have fixed certain things, then you will apply for that gig, go to that hangout, travel, or wear the things you want or even take that full length picture.
I remember a boyfriend who broke up with me siting that i was too nice and to be honest he was right because even when i was upset i acted like i wasn’t because i didn’t want to rock the boat. I also recall refusing to take up the television module whilst at University because i felt no one would ever hire me in front of the camera. It all sounds odd and sad but those are the things that can happen and even worse like abuse, loosing your voice and getting comfortable with being invisible. Then finally complete self erasure.
I think that not everyone is lucky enough to come from a place that nurtures confidence and so you just have to find it and fight to keep it. Challenge yourself to keep doing new things however deep, however frivolous, it is a way for you to connect with yourself one inch at a time.
PS If you are a parent to a chubby kid, just get them involved in active play from dance to martial arts. If you think they aren’t eating the right things, adjust the whole family diet not just theirs. Please don’t pass on your insecurities as inheriatance. If you can raise your children to be confident and self reliant, you have done a pretty good job.
If you are reading this, supertall, thin, fat, short, darkskinned and everything else inbetween, just know that you do not need fixing.
